Broken Hearts and Bruised Souls 032514

Broken Hearts and Bruised Souls
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There are, in every congregation brothers and sisters who live with broken hearts and bruised souls.  They sit quietly, usually alone in the back, pray haltingly and have a look of deep yearning on their faces.

They long to have a sense of being a part of the body but they sense that their "difference" somehow excludes them.  They are alone in the crowd and being in the crowd makes their loneliness even greater.  They sit and even with a frozen smile on their faces they weep rivers of tear inside.

I'm writing about the melacholy (depressed), the Bi-polar, those who suffer anxiety disorders and the like.  They live in our world and go to our churches and yet they never have a sense of being a part of any of it.

Shame is a big part of their lives.  They can't run, do, work or even feel as other do and so they have a sense of being aliens and strangers in a way you can only imagine.

They look OK, they even socialize ok but the cost of doing either or both is great.  One hour in church and they are exhausted, they feel rode hard and put up wet.  They are drained and so their hearts and souls ache regardless of the joy and hope that is theirs.

Imagine waking up each morning with a sense that your life is not worth living.  Imagine waking up each morning terrified of what evil or difficulty might come your way.  Imagine feeling like every odd look is an accusation, a confirmation of your difference.  Imagine yearning for heaven more to escape your life than to be with the Lord.

These are broken hearts and bruised souls.  These are some of the bruised reeds and smoldering wicks Jesus promised to not break or snuff out.  But even that assurance does little to aleviate the pain and ache of being so very different and trying to fit in.

"Hi, my name is Fred and I want to die."  Think about having that thought several times a day.  Think about having to resist introducing yourself that way.  Think about having that feeling and not being able to tell anyne about it.  No, I don't mean they want to kill themselves, few do; but they live with a tension that tears at their hearts and souls every minute of every day.

No one understands except their counselor and even they are clueless apart from their objective clinical training.  Their pastor does not understand.  Their famiies do not understand.  Worst of all, they do not understand.

Imagine having a wonderful blessing happen to you.  You know it's a blessing.  You see God's hand in it and yet instead of lifting your heart and soul you find yourself fighting a downward spiral.  What would lift another up casts you down.

Imagine yearning for relief you know, short of a miracle, will not come.  Imagine happiness making you sad, joy terrifying you and kindness seeming like condecention - pity of the pathetic.

Imagine having to live your life in your head because if you let it our people will flee.  Imagine fighting every moment to just hang on and not give up.  Imagine just wanting to sit in a darkened room until life fades away.

These bruised reeds need to be able to be who they are and live in the open.  They need to be understood and their condition must be appreciated as real and terrible.  They dont need pampering but they need to be able to speak their pain to someone(s) other than the folks they have to pay to listen.

They desperately need to have others understand that for them, their condition is as normal as it gets.  Yes, they need sound biblical encouragement and admonishment and lots of other good and godly input.  But most of all they need to be accepted, embraced.

Being a part of the life of a bruised reed is tough, trying and costly.  Which is why so few of us are willing to be a part of their lives.  They can be demanding and depressing, frustrating if not infuriating but that's more a factor of our limitations than their condition.  It is more a part of our wanting to be comfortable and at our ease instead of involved in a messy ministry.

No, we are not all called to minister to these beautiful bruised reeds but we are all commanded to love them and they take a different kind of love.  None of us are exempt from loving them up close and personal.

Fear keeps us at a distance and fear causes them to withdraw.  Perfect love casts out fear - right or maybe?

Melacholy - 020314 After morning blessings 10:00am

I am melacholy
But not without my uses

I can work within it
When I don't try to make excuses

Where is God in all of this?
Yep!

God is in all of this!

I am melacholy
Because
He has allowed it
Maybe He made it happen

But

What's important
Is that
In it
I have certain affinities
And insights
And abilities
I never would have
Without it

Again,
We all want to see a miracle
But we don't want the need of a miracle

We don't want to be blind so we can receive our sight
We don't want to be lame so we can walk
We don't want to be lepers so we can be cleansed

We don't really want to NEED a miracle

What we want to is to be OK
And get a miracle to get BETTER

We don't understand the usefulness
Our affliction brings
And that's understandable
Just not acceptable

Few know the vanity of life like we do
Few know the alure of the flesh like we do
Few know the pride of life like we do
Few know their sin like we do
SO
Few know their deep deep need of Christ
Like we do

Few get to know God or themselves - or others
Like we do

The Hell of Melancholy - Sunday

I've tried four times to write to you concerning Sundayship - it all boils down to this - at least for me - at times . . . .

Go

Get up - get dressed - and go

Don't go with expectations

Just go

Be there

With others

Who are just as needy as you
But don't know it

Go

Be there

With them

With Him

Go

Enter late - sit in the back and leave early - but go

Go
Go
Go

The Hell of Melancholy 020114 4:39 AM

Another day
Gotta live it
He woke me up to it
There must be a reason

Wanna believe that
More than I do
That He has a reason
For my being alive today

I've seen it
Even in the dark
In the cold
So cold my breath freeezes

But what
Will He do
For me
Selfish, selfcentered, self-absorbed
Me

The affliction
Inside
And outside
The circumstances
Create a vaccuum
In my heart

OK so far
But I know
Not much further

Devotions
HA
Seem hollow
Contrived
But
They are all
Of the little
I have
Doing
Just doing
Must sometimes
Be enough

"If only"
Meatloaf was right
"The loneliest words you'll ever know,
If only-if only it was so."

Another day
Things to do
Things for Him
Or I'd not be.

Goooood morning
This is WHOPEless radio
Playing in your head
With all the new hits
To get you threw the day

Stay tuned
More darkness and despair to come

Note to the reader:  There are a few magical moments in the morning where the tide is our and one does not feel like they are drowning.  Those with afflicted souls have t grab those moments and get as close to God as they can becasue they know that this is the time - low tide - when they can steak; that sense of His closeness and the truth of the Gospel and maybe  just maybe catch a glimpse of the joy they knew and yet know is there.  But you gotta be "rabbit quick."

Oops - there goes another idol - & another & another ---& -well you get my point

"I'm not good enough!"
Ok, according to who?

Is it all those in your life who made it their perverted objective to convince you of that?

Is is some super-christian author who wrote a book that you took as your measure?

Is it the culture you live in with all sick and twisted expectations and demands?

Is is a husband who is clueless?  A wife who is demanding?  A mentor who is not such a hot mentor?

From my perspective, these are all idols we grab hold of and worship and serve.  We somehow get ahold of and then they get ahold of us.

Duhhhh- the world (power and influence), flesh (pleasure and self sufficiency)  and the devil (perversion and poison) --- oh yeah!

So whose rules do you play by?  His or an idol's?    Think well over this - it's a critical issue.

Junk food is bad food and most "christian" book stores and sections are just chock full of junk - poison - yuck.  They are one person's perspective on live and the Word.

We can eat food - real food or we can eat (pardon my earthiness) - we can eat digested and expelled food.  Most of what you will find in the "Christian Living" sections are just that - manure and not good manure.

It is the Word of God you should be going to for directions, insight, understanding and - wait for it -------- HOPE.

If you are feasting on junk food you are poisoning yourself!!!!!!!!

Some things I'll tell you -
1.  God says there is NO condemnation for His.  There is correction - even discipline and of course all of His suffer - but we suffer because we ARE His!
2.  God sets standards we will not meet here - period - give up any hopes of a fleshly - self-sufficient holiness - never gonna happen!  But praise God, in Christ we are what only He could make us.
3.  The believer's life is a battle - from baptism to burial it is a battle.  Period!  Now it's a battle in a war that has been won by our King but it IS a battle!

So, you feel like a failure - Mmmmmm maybe - just maybe that's good.  If you're seeking to please, appease or serve an idol - rejoice in your failure, repent of your error and return to Him.

Here are the lyrics of a great song that encourages me when I am tapped and/or trapped by the idols around me --

Songwriters: FRANCISCO, DON RICHARD

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much
I long for you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you failed their expectations
They frowned and closed the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with my Spirit, Blood and Word
The everlasting Father
Has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard

So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand

The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with my Spirit, Blood and Word
The everlasting Father
Has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard

So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand

May God bless you - further free you - restore and strengthen You in His Mercy and Grace! 

Psalm 30:6-7

Psalm 30:6-7 ESV
As for me, I said in my prosperity, "I shall never be moved." [7] By your favor, O LORD, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed.

Oh my, how many of us can say "Amen," to this?

I take special not of the words, "my mountain."  

I have to admit it's convicting because it never was, "my mountain," it was His.

But isn't that common to our struggle?  When things are going well we get a little tunnel vision.  We see us and ours and my and mine and we do not look to Him as constantly as we need to.  We get a little cocky about things and our duties to and for Him slip on our priority list.

Of course the opposite is true as well.  When He hides His face (or seems to) we run the danger of curling into a little ball in the corner and doing nothing in terms of our duties to and for Him.  

Perhaps this is why we need to be a little more tough on ourselves when it comes to our duties.  I'm no proposing some legalistic, rigid, heartless process but rather a commitment to pray and study, etc. daily and intentionally.  

We eat, we go to the bathroom, we go to work, we pet the dog - we do so many things regularly.  Perhaps we need to begin to view (and pray for help to) our "duties" as not quite so lofty and unreachable.  Maybe we need to see these duties as simply the common and simple things believers do.  Which, I am coming to believe they are.

Though we have a special privilege in these things they are not unusual to the believer - or shouldn't be.  

Recently I spoke with some friends and we all were "feeling" kind of numb in our walks.  The temptations was to do something "special" for Him.  But we realized that He is the  one who does the special things - we are simply called to do simple things.  Pray, study. worship, give, encourage, comfort ---- simple things.

If, and he has, God has put His Spirit in us to reside forever then we have all we need in terms of right and ability to engage these duties.  Regardless of our "feeling" when engaging in them we should be about them.  It's hard when we don't "feel" like doing them or they don't make us "feel" better but that in no way decreases the value of them.

Father, it is so easy for us to be tempted to try to bargain with You.  It is so easy to wonder what we need to do to get on Your "good side."  We know this is a deception, a trick Satan wants us to fall for and we really need Your help to fight it.

We struggle with Your assurance of our salvation and our needs here.  Our needs here have a nasty habit of overwhelming us and keeping us from knowing the "joy of Your salvation."  We don't know what to "do" about this - so we ask You to do what needs to be done.  

Whether we need a change of heart or mind, we ask You to heal and help us to engage You in the ways You have provided - regardless of how we "feel."  You know our deepest need and indeed you know our true hunger.  Please keep us from being seduced by opportunity and despair into doing nothing.  Help us - make us - faithful in as much as we can be right where we are.

Amen.........