Weeping in sorrow but not too much.

First let me apologize for the lack of posting anything new for the past several weeks,  It is not uncommon for a believer to find themselves under such affliction that anything they might say seems selfish and hollow.

As Patti and I pass through this time of trial and sorrow we have had a very real struggle to keep ourselves productive - me especially.  I have started many post only to stop and realize I was so focused on where we are ( and where we aren't) hat my writing was a great disappointment and so could not be published.  For you who follow this blog, please forgive my lack of faithfulness and my self-absorption.

Though I don't know if I can keep our circumstances out of my writing I will make the best attempt I can, relying upon His provision and power.

Let me just say this - it is very very easy when one is undergoing some affliction or other difficulty to miss the blessings that are all around you.  When one is looking for something specific to happen it is easy to miss what is indeed happening.  Missing the many blessings that do occur is something we need to consider.  While we wait upon Him we must not forget that in His sovereignty He is guiding everything and though He can work instantaneously and awesomely He is still working in the common and everyday blessings we so often overlook.

Yes, we need to be thankful that, "things aren't worse," but we need to work to see and be grateful for how things are - even when a part o that is not so hot.

In his work, A Christian's Directory, Christopher Love writes:


That Christians should take a great deal of heed, that they do not be immoderate or excessive in worldly sorrow, either for the meeting with any crosses, undergoing any troubles, or the losing of any comforts here in the world.    Whatever afflictions you meet with, or whatever comforts you part with, you should take care your sorrows are not immoderate and inordinate.
Love, Christopher (2012-11-27). A Christian's Directory (Kindle Locations 372-377). Puritan Publications. Kindle Edition. 


The blessing o these words are, of course in the admonition to not to allow our sorrows to be immoderate and inordinate.  But the other blessing is that we may be sorrowful when we meet crosses, troubles or loss of comforts.

In a world that demands we "suck it up," "tough it out," and even "hang in there," we do ourselves an injury when we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge and express our sorrow.  Instead we bite our cheeks and force a smile - - pretending -- we are fine and happy.

Let me encourage you to consider your sorrow and to respect it.  Express it but do not allow it to overwhelm and crush you.  God blesses our tears as well as our laughter.  He takes notice of our joy and our pain.  I do not believe He would have us -- pretend -- things are good when they are not. 

Yes, we all have heaven to hope in and hope for but here we are going to have crosses and troubles and losses.   I praise Him that we may be sorrowful and even weep when things are thus.  It is a great blessing to know:


You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?   (Psa 56:8)

Father, though I hope in You, I hurt as well.  Thank You for Your understanding and mercy. Thank You that I do NOT have to - indeed I must not - pretend I am fine when I am not.  Thank You that You hold my pain in Your hand and send Your comfort to my heart.  Lt me come weeping to You - not over much - but rather to express my weakness, my frailty, my utter need for You.
Amen

Anxious? To be or not!

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 

(Mat 6:27) KJV

How "powerful" am I really?  Sometimes i find myself thinking I'm pretty powerful.  That is a mistake!  Not that i have no talents, skills of abilities but I forget who they come from and who makes them effective.  

It's hard to keep in mind, when we are doing good stuff, that it is all totally dependent upon Him - totally - utterly - of Him.

I was once advised to; "Pray as though it all depended upon God and to work as though it all depended upon me."  Not good advise!  I now "Pray because it all depends upon God and I work (or try to) in utter dependence upon Him."

I can't help but think of Saul (later to be known as Paul).  He was "the man" (or at least one of them) in the Jewish religious institutions.  He knew god, the Law, the traditions and by his own statement he was "the man."  All that talent and training and effort--etc. and he still went the wrong way.

I think, that among other issues, Saul depended upon Saul a lot.  I think it was something he dealt with through out his life and ministry.  This is common to most of us and yet we need to pray for a sensitivity to it or accept the thorn that reminds us of it.

As i consider this passage from Matthew and the issue of anxiety I am mindful of what James wrote:

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.   (Jas 4:1-3)

Now if our lusts can cause such distress among us surely they will cause the same within us.  I can't help but consider that this is a great source of anxiety within the individual believers life.  

What if, in affliction I struggle with praying for God will to be done and/or my relief/comfort/rescue/etc.   I struggle with the fact that God is glorified in my weakness - even in my affliction and yet I want it to be over.  This conflict just adds to the anxiety i experience.

It's the, "not my will but thine," conundrum.  I get anxious concerning His will and my will being - well - different.  It's not easy!  Certainly I do not face the same cup Christ faced but our "cups" are always BIG to us.  

But, there is one thing I find comfort in even in the cunnundrum!

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 
(Luk 22:42-43)

Two things here.  First, Jesus did not hesitate to take His concern to His Father.  He quite clearly asks for this "cup" to be removed.  So I take that to mean I may do the same.  It also means I need to be willing to pray the whole prayer with one addition --- that we may have missed.

I will also pray for God's strengthening whether by the appearance of an angel, the presence of an angel, direct from God or through the Word and the Spirit (not to leave out the Body).  

Father,
You know my anxiety and fretfulness in the current circumstances.  You know I want You to make them go away.  You know my weakness - my fleshiness - my self-centeredness.  You know much more of my struggle than even I do.

I want to run from the circumstance but I fear that I would be running from You as well.  That I do not want to do.  I have been there and done that and I know it is not good.

I would ask for Your strengthening and Your comfort.  I would also ask You to show me You in all this.  The enemies assail my heart and torment my head and I need to hear You more clearly.

I am sadly afraid - but I take comfort in my Savior's prayer and His surrender to You will for us.  I want very much to do the same but my feet feel frozen and I grow anxious - very anxious.  I want to ask You to "help my unbelief," for I can't pretend there is no unblief in my mind and heart.  I believe - help my unbelief!!!

Anxious, to be or not to be. 012413 x

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 

(Mat 6:27) KJV

How "powerful" am I really?  Sometimes i find myself thinking I'm pretty powerful.  That is a mistake!  Not that i have no talents, skills of abilities but I forget who they come from and who makes them effective.  

It's hard to keep in mind, when we are doing good stuff, that it is all totally dependent upon Him - totally - utterly - of Him.

I was once advised to; "Pray as though it all depended upon God and to work as though it all depended upon me."  Not good advise!  I now "Pray because it all depends upon God and I work (or try to) in utter dependence upon Him."

I can't help but think of Saul (later to be known as Paul).  He was "the man" (or at least one of them) in the Jewish religious institutions.  He knew god, the Law, the traditions and by his own statement he was "the man."  All that talent and training and effort--etc. and he still went the wrong way.

I think, that among other issues, Saul depended upon Saul a lot.  I think it was something he dealt with through out his life and ministry.  This is common to most of us and yet we need to pray for a sensitivity to it or accept the thorn that reminds us of it.

As i consider this passage from Matthew and the issue of anxiety I am mindful of what James wrote:

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.   (Jas 4:1-3)

Now if our lusts can cause such distress among us surely they will cause the same within us.  I can't help but consider that this is a great source of anxiety within the individual believers life.  

What if, in affliction I struggle with praying for God will to be done and/or my relief/comfort/rescue/etc.   I struggle with the fact that God is glorified in my weakness - even in my affliction and yet I want it to be over.  This conflict just adds to the anxiety i experience.

It's the, "not my will but thine," conundrum.  I get anxious concerning His will and my will being - well - different.  It's not easy!  Certainly I do not face the same cup Christ faced but our "cups" are always BIG to us.  

But, there is one thing I find comfort in even in the cunnundrum!


Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 
(Luk 22:42-43)

Two things here.  First, Jesus did not hesitate to take His concern to His Father.  He quite clearly asks for this "cup" to be removed.  So I take that to mean I may do the same.  It also means I need to be willing to pray the whole prayer with one addition --- that we may have missed.

I will also pray for God's strengthening whether by the appearance of an angel, the presence of an angel, direct from God or through the Word and the Spirit (not to leave out the Body).  

Father,
You know my anxiety and fretfulness in the current circumstances.  You know I want You to make them go away.  You know my weakness - my fleshiness - my self-centeredness.  You know much more of my struggle than even I do.

I want to run from the circumstance but I fear that I would be running from You as well.  That I do not want to do.  I have been there and done that and I know it is not good.

I would ask for Your strengthening and Your comfort.  I would also ask You to show me You in all this.  The enemies assail my heart and torment my head and I need to hear You more clearly.

I am sadly afraid - but I take comfort in my Savior's prayer and His surrender to You will for us.  I want very much to do the same but my feet feel frozen and I grow anxious - very anxious.  I want to ask You to "help my unbelief," for I can't pretend there is no unblief in my mind and heart.  I believe - help my unbelief!!!

A Deeper View 012213b

"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. (Mat 6:24)

"Money"  mammōnas:  Wealth personified; avarice

Ouch!

Most definitions of avarice say it's "extreme" - excessive or insatiable desire for wealth or gain : greediness.

But is that what Jesus is actually saying?  I don't think so.  I believe He's making a clear comparison between who/what we look to for our providence.  In the context of this, even the slightest "avarice" is extreme.

You don't have to be a greedy-wealth driven person to fit into what Jesus is talking about.  If I am looking to "money" as the answer to my problems and not to God, then I am double-mastered - actually I am serving Mammon.  

Paul writes:

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.  (1Ti 6:10)

The author of Hebrews writes:

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  (Heb 13:5)

I have to say I am learning what Paul means by, "pierced themselves with many pangs (sorrows)."  I'm getting pang pierced quite regularly.  

I am especially sorry for all the waste of His provision.  Oh boy - let's leave it at that.  But being "sorry" isn't the point.  Repentance is the point.  I have to turn away from that oh so common money thing to Him.  I have to embrace Him and His promise and accept His will for me.

There was an old saying in my pre-disciple days that we "hippies" used - I will leave that to your imagination but - in this case I'll say, "God will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no God."

Jesus presents us with a choice - and for some it's a big and deep choice.  We have to really examine ourselves (a good thing anytime) for what pieces of avarice/mammon are tucked away in our heads and hearts.  

I suggest - from experience (current experience) that we look for envy, dis-satisfaction, grumbling, fear, anger, etc and see it they are connected to mammon.  

Are we dis-satisfied with God's current provision?  Are we fearful of our future known and unknown needs?  Are we, like Israel in the OT when threatened by invasion, looking to make unwise alliances?  Are we, like they, seeking some thing other than God in our need?

It's common to us but it isn't best.  We all know that.  We all know that God is the loving and gracious Shepherd.  We all know that He gave His best to make us His and that this is the greatest provision we could ask for.  We all know these things - but sometimes He loves us enough to take us to a place where we see our sinful seeking in other places.  He does that to halt us in our tracks and bring us back to His way - the only true way.

Sometimes it feels like He is teaching me to be a little child.  I cried in Patti's arms the other night and prayed to Him for to comfort and strengthen us in His Way.  I felt like a weenie - but I realized I was learning to come to Him as a little child who is utterly dependent upon Him for EVERYTHING.

Just goes to show that we can know something - and yet have to KNOW it better - deeper - more childishly.

Let's examine ourselves and ask His Spirit to both guide us and comfort us as we look for those thin, weak places in our walk.  It's OK, He intendeds to fatten them up and build some muscle.  He is never done with us - which really is good news!

You, those of you who can identify and those of you who don't yet - are in our prayers and  we are vaguely but faithfully lifting you up.  Remember it's "OUR Father ------"