Thoughts on Self-examination

Put yourselves to the test and judge yourselves, to find out whether you are living in faith. Surely you know that Christ Jesus is in you?—unless you have completely failed.

(2Co 13:5)

We are (hopefully) aware of our sins.  But I have discovered that I tend to focus on a few sins that are consistently troubling me and missing others.  That's the beauty and facility of self-examination.  It is a dedicated, focused, intentional thing and not some cursory activity.

I have not trouble seeing my pride and idolatry or even lust for that matter - they are glaringly obvious.  But I miss or avoid many others.

An example is found in Matthew 12:36-37:

"You can be sure that on the Judgment Day you will have to give account of every useless word you have ever spoken. Your words will be used to judge you—to declare you either innocent or guilty."

(Mat 12:36-37) GNB

"But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

(Mat 12:36-37) NASB

The word translated "useless" or "careless it the Greek word ̓argos meaning free from labor, at leisure

or  lazy, shunning the labor which one ought to perform.

The implied imperative is that we should actually "labor" before we speak.  I tend to yell at clumsy drivers when I am in the car.  My wife cringes when I do this.  It's careless/useless, sinful.  I give no thought to what's in my mind and heart I just let fly.  This is not good.

What about OMG (Oh my God).  There's a show on TV called Clean House where a team goes into a badly cluttered home and straightens it out.  Then they "reveal" what they have done to the owners who have been away at a hotel.  Almost to a person when the finished work is revealed they say OMG, never thinking about what they're saying.

We all have little saying we use to express pleasure or disdain and these need to be examined for, well, holiness, usefulness, carefulness.

But careless speech is just one of the "sins" we rarely think about.  Our thought life is an area where we are remiss - we fail to:

We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,  (2Co 10:5)

I know that this used of this verse is a stretch but I think the principle is sound in the instance.  We need to think about our thinking.

And what about our feelings.  they can get pretty nasty as well but we have thm and we rarely take the time to examine them or their source - Why do I feel _____?

Self examination is a critical component of our /Christina walk and we need to take it seriously.  I am read the journals of David Brainerd an missionary in the 1800 and am convicted by his sensitivity to his sinfulness.  Of course he was of a melancholy disposition and that played a part but he really "discovered" his vileness in the light of Christ.  If it's OK to envy good things, I envy him.

We need to take the time and really examine our Walk.

What about our use of what God has given us?  Do we use it for our pleasure and gratification (or measuring up to others) or do we use it to bless the Church and the needy.  Is your 10% the best you can do - maybe for you it is but for most of us we could do a lot better.

In my years as a Leadership consultant the most difficult thing I had to teach people was how to say "No," when "NO," was the right answer.  How about saying no to ourselves.  We see it  we want is was expend recourses to get it.  We don't say "No," to ourselves - hence we sin when we squander God's provision.

Jesus was very clear;  "Do not store up riches for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and robbers break in and steal. Instead, store up riches for yourselves in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and robbers cannot break in and steal. For your heart will always be where your riches are.  (Mat 6:19-21)

Self-examination has to be broader and wider and deeper than we usually do it.  It takes time and effort but how can one repent of a sin that one is only vaguely aware of it=f at all

But then. some of us don't want to examine ourselves.  To do so would lead to conclusions we are not comfortable with.  

Better than "Yes!"

 1 John 5:14-15 ESV

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. [15] And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

See, that's the kicker, discerning if my request is according to His will.

A lot of things seem "good" and "fair" and "just" and they well may be but that does not mean, at least in my experience, that they are according to His will.  They may be outside His will or even contrary to His will.  It depends on the circumstances and, well, His will.

Ephesians 5:10 ESV
and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-15, 17-18 ESV
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. [15] See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. [17] pray without ceasing, [18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

We always pray, "Your will be done." But all too often, for me at least, it's my way of confessing that I am absolutely clueless as to whether or not my request is in His will.

Then there is the kicker:

James 4:3 ESV
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

There's the.  I assume that many of my personal prayers are not answered in the way I hope because somewhere underneath all the solumn prayer words there lurks some selfish motive that thwarts, not His answer, but my asking.  I ask wrongly.

That's a tough nut to crack!  I can well understand why the Puritains were so determined concerning the need for self-examination.   We really do have to accept that our hearts are deceitful and that we are the ones we deceive most  often.  We can easily fool ourselves into thinking that we are being selfless and submissive in our prayer and that they are according to His will.

Right now I have a very specific prayer request before Him.  I've kept it simple, short and sweet.  I don't believe is it greedy or self-serving but rather fair, good and reasonable.  BUT there is a lurking doubt in the back of my mind because I will benefit from a "Yes  It is a prayer about me, for me.  It is a prayer and also a test.  I have asked for X which is a fair request and consider a "Yes" as an answer to another request/query.  In short I have figured if He grants X then Y is in His will.  Make sense?

But then that old....ask wrongly and don't test God thing comes up in my mind and I doubt not His goodness but the rightness of my prayer.

So I come to:

Philippians 4:5-7 ESV
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; [6] do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. [7] And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This does not promise a "Yes," to my prayer.  What it does promise is His peace in His answer which will in turn guard my heart and my mind.  And isn't that better than a "Yes"?

On Fear

Prayer is the best outlet to fear: where is the Christian that cannot set his seal to this direction?   Flavel, John (2010-08-03). Keeping the Heart (Kindle Locations 669-670).   Kindle Edition.   

Psa 118:5  Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free.  ESV

In times of danger  no matter its magnitude  fear is natural.  Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the acting upon it.  What greater thing could we do than to go to our Father with all our fears.

Isn't Christ, our intercessor and Great High Priest, seated with the Father speaking of us and for us?  Does not Christ appreciate and understand our weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

If, as we see in the quote above, Satan knows and exploits our fears, does not our Father know more and better?  In all things fearful is it not enough that nothing can separate us from the love of God?  Surely upon that assurance we can stand.

But we are weak as babes in our walk with Christ  as we should be.      Though we lived in the wiles of the Devil and the fantasies of the flesh, we do not know living in the security and power of our Lord.  So we tremble and quake as Satan and our budding/immature faith both work to our distress.

Trusting God is not something that just comes.  It is gained by experience, informed by His Word and enhanced by His Spirit.  I have trusted God in many situations and yet every new situation raises the hair on the back of my neck.

I wonder, God was faithful there and then but this is here and now.  Even though I know that when it was then and there for me, He was already readying here and now for me.  But I still fear.

 
I've noticed something, though, about that fear.  It is characterized by the question, What am I (or we) going to do”?  Perhaps that's where we get tripped up.  We face a circumstance and supposing we must or can do something, we start with ourselves.  Seeing no help for or in ourselves, we fear.  Because we are already afraid we think we don't have faith.  Because we think we don't have faith we doubt God will help us.

Perhaps were starting at the wrong place.  Perhaps we need to take the circumstance (and our fear) to Him immediately and ask Him what we need to do (if anything).  Perhaps we need to slow down, examine the circumstance and take our thoughts and concerns to Him and have a talk. 

 
I wonder if at times I irritate Him (LOL).  I try to take circumstances to Him and leave them with Him but it doesn't work very well.  I've found that I need to stay before Him and take the time to pour out my ideas and thoughts concerning the circumstance.  If I don't, I find myself fretting and distracted.  So I try to go to Him and just babble out my ideas, my tangential concerns, my solutions, my fears.  It seems that this process has a quieting effect on my soul.

But just recently, I've discovered that I rise from prayer too swiftly.  I'll pray and then get into bed and I'll just go on trying to fix the problem in my head.  I think that, at those times, I need to get back on my knees and continue the conversation  obviously, I wasn't done (or maybe He wasn't). 

 
Ok  for those of you who are thinking, Do I have to be on my knees,  Ill just tell you that I do.  As I've intentionally worked on my prayer life, I've discovered that it just feels more like prayer when I'm kneeling.  Do I have to?  I don't think I have to for Him  but I do for me.  That's just me  and we all know I'm just not right. 

 
Prayer is worship  but it is conversational worship.  I speak, He listens.  How He responds is unclear to me  I haven't heard voices yet.  But I trust Him to respond because He always has.  Either through the Word, a change of circumstance, another believer, a random sermon I hear, a random book I read, or even a random thought, He answers.  Oh, I know none of those things are really random.  They are intentional and purposeful  so maybe utterly unexpected is a better term.  But the point is, He answers.

Concerning the verse I used above.  Notice that the writer says that God set him free.  The term distress has the sense of tightness, like when your chest gets tight when you are anxious.  Now the writer doesnt say what his freedom looked like.  Was the circumstance changed or was his anxiety relieved?  But would we complain of either?  I hope not.

Dont let yourself think that you should only do this for the big stuff.  Make it a habit to do it with everything.  Pour, it all out to God.  What seems trivial today may loom large tomorrow, so you may as well get a head start on it.