In depression, tomorrow makes a hell of today. It's not the moment we're in that creates all the anxiety and pain but the moment that has not yet come. Our affliction convinces us that the other shoe is dropping and will hit with devastating consequences. So along with the with the afflicton of the depression itself we suffer that anticipatory anxiety that reeks havoc on our day.
This is especially hard for those of us who are believers. We do indeed trust God but that trust is sullied by the afflictive anxiety. What we KNOW battles against what we are able to feel. There is no sense of confidence or hope or joy. Though we know we have every good reason to experience those things, they are just not there for us. That makes even the most outstanding blessing less than it ought to be.
God is meeting our needs and we know from the evidence our past that He is a need meeting God and yet we can't bridge the distance from our heads to our hearts. It is just too wide a gulf. We can not get it done at least not oN our own.
The Holy Spirit, our designated comforter, is the only means and recourse we have to this menacing melancholy. He is our only hope for experiencing the hope and the joy we are promised. But we have got to call upon Him for it. It has not been my experience that He will just infuse me with hope and joy out of the blue (although He can and might). I have found that it takes disciplined prayer and a laser like focus on my need and His ability and willingness to provide. It's not that I have to perform in a certain way for Him to act but that I have to work hard to silence the melancholy and anxious thoughts so that I am receptive to His provision. Otherwise it's just a chaotic battle between my broken heart and mind and the truth.
This is why such disciplined prayer needs to be a regular part of our daily practice. We need those moments of the Holy Spirit's ministry every day. They are precious hard won moments. YES we can pray that God will deliver us from this affliction and He well may do so, but, He may not. It may be for our benefit or the benefit of others that we live and struggle with this affliction. We all love to read about Job but none of us want to be him.
In this fallen world and in God's plan, this melancholy and anxious affliction is just one way through which He demonstrates His power, lovingkindness and provision. We need to be responsible IN our affliction and work hard to make use of all the resources He provides so that His name will be glorified. It is not easy nor is it pleasant, but as we say, "It is what it is." If Paul can accept and be content with his thorn in the flesh, we can learn to emmulate him in our affliction.
Be oh so wary of those who can not accept and respect your affliction. They may be well meaning but they are more often cruel in their attempts to "help" us. Depression and anxiety say a lot about this fallen world and its effects on people, even His people. A disciplined and focused prrayerful practice aimed at our affliction is the only answer that I have found that relieves the oppresson and dispells the shadows.
It's a lifetime battle but not one that has to defeat us. We are more than conquerors, one battle at a time.
