The two previeous posts on the Hell of Melacholy (as well as those which will follow) are intended to accomplish two things. First I want other believers who struggle afgainst this affliction to know they are not alone - there are quite a few of us. Secondly I hope that the posts will open the eyes and ears of the Church to those standing on the fringes who need the churches care and compassion.
Mental illness (or as I prefer, the affliction of the soul) has many faced and manifestations. Psychology has at least provided us with data to underestand and describe the various form they take. And to a degree medical science has developed some medications that, although they do not cure, at least they aleviate the worst of the distress so that the afflicted can deal, with God's help, with the res of the issues.
The afflictions of the soul are not catching and yet to a large part sufferers are treated not too differently that the lepers we find in the Bible. Where they should be the focus of intense care and comfort in the church they are more often than not relegated to the fringes to cope as best they can.
I hope, as you read the reflective posts "The Hell of Melacholy" your hearts will be pierced and your consciences prodded to at least begin to pray for us - I say us becaue i suffer from melacholy myself.
The affliction is not a "bad attitude" or wrong beliefs or a lack of faith the affliction is very real and very biblical and is deserving of our care and concern.
So I hope you'll stay the course. I don't know how long the "course" will run or how often I'll post --- I'm trusting God for all that and a lot more - but please, please pray for the posts that they will pierce the ignorance and fear that those who do not suffer these affliction have.
We are yiur brothers and sisters - we need you and what our Lord provides through you. He is with us - caring and sustaining. We'd like to have you stadning wiht us as well. An affliction of the soul may last a brief time or a life time - that is in His hands - but however long it lasts we need to be understood, cared for, encouraged, loved.
Thank you - for at least getting this far with us ----
Michael S.
Friday, January 31, 2014
The Hell of Melancholy 013114 PM
Survived nother day.
Hope hurting.
Truth reassuring.
What do you do when what yoou feel so overwhelms what youo know?
Trusting God in a cold dark place is tough.
But we do.
Or at least we want to.
You can only sit very still
And very quiet
Hoping to hear
Hoping for the call
Or the knock on the door
Of God's providence
Blessed relief
Your mind wants to race
Your heart pounds
You are tempted to rail and complain
But you sit
Very quiet
And
Very still
Waiting
Confidence
And fear
Battle in your heart
And mind
You think of all those
His providence has rescued
And you battle
The sence
That you are not to be one of them
So you wait
Very quiet
And very still
For Him
Knowing His will is best
Pleading to have the strength
To be faithful
To be wholy trusting
To not be terrified
You survive another day.
Praise God
Very quietly
And very still.
Hope hurting.
Truth reassuring.
What do you do when what yoou feel so overwhelms what youo know?
Trusting God in a cold dark place is tough.
But we do.
Or at least we want to.
You can only sit very still
And very quiet
Hoping to hear
Hoping for the call
Or the knock on the door
Of God's providence
Blessed relief
Your mind wants to race
Your heart pounds
You are tempted to rail and complain
But you sit
Very quiet
And
Very still
Waiting
Confidence
And fear
Battle in your heart
And mind
You think of all those
His providence has rescued
And you battle
The sence
That you are not to be one of them
So you wait
Very quiet
And very still
For Him
Knowing His will is best
Pleading to have the strength
To be faithful
To be wholy trusting
To not be terrified
You survive another day.
Praise God
Very quietly
And very still.
The Hell of Melacholy
I'll make no pretense at pretty words and no effort to edit this. Today I am in the hell of melacholy.
It's a tough place to be as many many of you know. It's cold and dark and the sense of utter isolation is terrifying. But at's not the worst of it.
The worst of it is the utter obsession with one's self. I've found that all my prayers, all my thoughts, all my cries are about me---my---mine. what I have not and what I want -- what need and the overwhelming sense of those needs.
But the hell is this - imagine someone unwashed, smelly, curled in a ball in a dark corner whinning for help. Unable and unwilling to do anything for themselves. Not knowing what to do and believing that no matter what they do it won't matter.
Now imagine that's you. That's how you see yourself and that's how you fear others will see you. You're pathetic and weak. An object of scorn and rejection. That's how you see you and how you sense others would see you if you let them.
Melacholy, for me, is like being sucked under by quicksand but not wanting to bother anyone or ask for help becasue they'll just find you wimpy and irritating.
You want to do something but you just know it will fail. You sense your responsibility for at least part of your circumstnces and it feels like it's all your fault. You know better than anyone else ever could how you've contributed to where you are at and it feel like you and you alone are onky to blame.
Yes, you may even want to be dead - but them you sense that you're already dead - just unburied. You see sense no purpose for your life and yet you fight to find one.
Hanging on by the skin of your teeth is a very appropriate way to see it. but them comes the sense that there's nothing to hold on to.
OK - don"t freak. Anyne who has been on the hell of melacholy has thought avbout ending it all. You really can't avoid those thoughts. But fortunately, for most of us, even that seems purposeless.
You identify so closely with the lepers in the Bible. Regardless of the pity, encouragement, etc. Others ffer, you are still a leper - unclean - unfit - to be avoided.
When in the depth of melacholy even the most genuine act of kindness hurts. You're ashamed to need it - you're ashamed to accept it - you're ashamed - completely.
I'll quit now - rant over - but probably more to come. There is a very real hell and then there's the hell of melacholy -
Have I touched something in you? Wanna talk? Wanna share the rant ith others? Feel free -- contact me at sheepdog.ms@gmail.com.
I plan to continue to try to say all that we folks afflicted with melacholy want to say but never do - or if we do it's not understood. Like - I was late starting my day today, my safe routine was ruptured and I felk myself sinking deeper - just 30 minutes crushed me - that's melacholy.
It's a blessing too though - without it I would never has seen just how self-serving and self-seeking and selfish my heart can really be.
Prayers are welcome - comments too --------
Best regards -
Michael
It's a tough place to be as many many of you know. It's cold and dark and the sense of utter isolation is terrifying. But at's not the worst of it.
The worst of it is the utter obsession with one's self. I've found that all my prayers, all my thoughts, all my cries are about me---my---mine. what I have not and what I want -- what need and the overwhelming sense of those needs.
But the hell is this - imagine someone unwashed, smelly, curled in a ball in a dark corner whinning for help. Unable and unwilling to do anything for themselves. Not knowing what to do and believing that no matter what they do it won't matter.
Now imagine that's you. That's how you see yourself and that's how you fear others will see you. You're pathetic and weak. An object of scorn and rejection. That's how you see you and how you sense others would see you if you let them.
Melacholy, for me, is like being sucked under by quicksand but not wanting to bother anyone or ask for help becasue they'll just find you wimpy and irritating.
You want to do something but you just know it will fail. You sense your responsibility for at least part of your circumstnces and it feels like it's all your fault. You know better than anyone else ever could how you've contributed to where you are at and it feel like you and you alone are onky to blame.
Yes, you may even want to be dead - but them you sense that you're already dead - just unburied. You see sense no purpose for your life and yet you fight to find one.
Hanging on by the skin of your teeth is a very appropriate way to see it. but them comes the sense that there's nothing to hold on to.
OK - don"t freak. Anyne who has been on the hell of melacholy has thought avbout ending it all. You really can't avoid those thoughts. But fortunately, for most of us, even that seems purposeless.
You identify so closely with the lepers in the Bible. Regardless of the pity, encouragement, etc. Others ffer, you are still a leper - unclean - unfit - to be avoided.
When in the depth of melacholy even the most genuine act of kindness hurts. You're ashamed to need it - you're ashamed to accept it - you're ashamed - completely.
I'll quit now - rant over - but probably more to come. There is a very real hell and then there's the hell of melacholy -
Have I touched something in you? Wanna talk? Wanna share the rant ith others? Feel free -- contact me at sheepdog.ms@gmail.com.
I plan to continue to try to say all that we folks afflicted with melacholy want to say but never do - or if we do it's not understood. Like - I was late starting my day today, my safe routine was ruptured and I felk myself sinking deeper - just 30 minutes crushed me - that's melacholy.
It's a blessing too though - without it I would never has seen just how self-serving and self-seeking and selfish my heart can really be.
Prayers are welcome - comments too --------
Best regards -
Michael
Friday, January 17, 2014
Quarrle and Fight #1 James 4
James 4:1a
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?
This is an universally appropriate question. However what we need to have in mind is that this question is being asked of believers, of the church.
We are all aware of the "big" quarrels and fights that divide and destroy churched and we are all appropriately distressed by them. Whether the issue is critical or seemingly trivial it will destroy the church when it is allowed to. Sometimes a local group must pass through such a time of pruning and distress but that should be the exception not the rule. Just as there are blessed additions to the Body so too there are sanctified subtractions.
However we will not be addressing this passage (James 4:1-10) from some corporate viewpoint. If the "you in verse 1a is plural than we can extrapolate it's application to each and everyone of the "you(s)." it touches. The seed of quarrels and fights is the sin abiding in each one of us. We are the cause.
But just knowing the cause and not addressing it is a distressing sign of the ambivalence that may lurk in our hearts. I meet with many believers who harbour ambivalence and apathy in their hearts concerning the holiness God calls us to and works toward in us. It is as though they have found some comfortable and manageable place of compromise where their hearts are more at peace than not and they are willing to bear the incongruity of their position and the difficulty it brings.
God's call on our lives is not to "radical living," or even "radical faith>" His call is to holiness - plain and simple. Certainly our lives and beliefs will seem radical as we strive with His Spirit toward holiness but the point isn't to Wow the world but to grow in holiness after the image of Christ.
We've sadly forgotten and in some ways forsaken the quest for holiness and godliness and exchanged it for a display of radical distinction on the outside - in public and come to think that what we do will change what we believe. It won't. Only a deep and humble commitment to godliness/holiness and an utter humiliation before God in seeking it will produce in us His desired objective.
Again, though this applies to the big quarrels and public fights we see in the church, they are simply symptomatic of the little quarrles and fights we have against the will and providence of God. I hope and pray you are open to and seeing your guilt in this and how insidious our sinful hearts are even as we are being conformed into the likeness of Christ.
I close with this quote from John Flavel from his work, Keeping the Heart:
To repress the outward acts of sin and compose the external part of thy life in a laudable manner, is no great matter; even carnal persons, by the force of common principles, can do this: but to kill the root of corruption within, to set and keep up an holy government over thy thoughts, to have all things lie straight and orderly in the heart, this is not easy. John Flavel
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?
This is an universally appropriate question. However what we need to have in mind is that this question is being asked of believers, of the church.
We are all aware of the "big" quarrels and fights that divide and destroy churched and we are all appropriately distressed by them. Whether the issue is critical or seemingly trivial it will destroy the church when it is allowed to. Sometimes a local group must pass through such a time of pruning and distress but that should be the exception not the rule. Just as there are blessed additions to the Body so too there are sanctified subtractions.
However we will not be addressing this passage (James 4:1-10) from some corporate viewpoint. If the "you in verse 1a is plural than we can extrapolate it's application to each and everyone of the "you(s)." it touches. The seed of quarrels and fights is the sin abiding in each one of us. We are the cause.
But just knowing the cause and not addressing it is a distressing sign of the ambivalence that may lurk in our hearts. I meet with many believers who harbour ambivalence and apathy in their hearts concerning the holiness God calls us to and works toward in us. It is as though they have found some comfortable and manageable place of compromise where their hearts are more at peace than not and they are willing to bear the incongruity of their position and the difficulty it brings.
God's call on our lives is not to "radical living," or even "radical faith>" His call is to holiness - plain and simple. Certainly our lives and beliefs will seem radical as we strive with His Spirit toward holiness but the point isn't to Wow the world but to grow in holiness after the image of Christ.
We've sadly forgotten and in some ways forsaken the quest for holiness and godliness and exchanged it for a display of radical distinction on the outside - in public and come to think that what we do will change what we believe. It won't. Only a deep and humble commitment to godliness/holiness and an utter humiliation before God in seeking it will produce in us His desired objective.
Again, though this applies to the big quarrels and public fights we see in the church, they are simply symptomatic of the little quarrles and fights we have against the will and providence of God. I hope and pray you are open to and seeing your guilt in this and how insidious our sinful hearts are even as we are being conformed into the likeness of Christ.
I close with this quote from John Flavel from his work, Keeping the Heart:
To repress the outward acts of sin and compose the external part of thy life in a laudable manner, is no great matter; even carnal persons, by the force of common principles, can do this: but to kill the root of corruption within, to set and keep up an holy government over thy thoughts, to have all things lie straight and orderly in the heart, this is not easy. John Flavel
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Ever Before Me 011014
For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me.
Psalm 51:3
Do we - do we really know our transgressions? Are we as aware of, as sensitive to sin as we should be? I know I am not and that is a cause for great distress.
I catch myself in sin and am shocked that I never saw it coming.
Perhaps you would say that I am being too scrupulous. But is that even possible? Are there some sins that deserve more attention than others? Are there OK and not OK sins? Do I consider the opportunity for sin in every choice and decision I make? Can I be too scrupulous concerning my sin?
Why can't I cry with Paul: Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Romans 7:24
I hear much talk about pornography, drugs, adultery and fornication (among others) but I do not hear much talk of envy, covetousness, fear of man, etc. Are we making distinctions between the seriousness of sin?
Take, for example, one I struggle with constantly: The desire to have material comfort and security over and above having a strong and effective witness. My prayers are constantly assaulted with interruptive and distracting thoughts concerning my "needs" which inhibits (to say the least) real heart-felt prayer for His glory and the salvation of those around me.
Or, consider the struggle in praying when one is envious of those who do not have to deal with my trials and afflictions. It is hard to pray when one's heart is envious and covetous. These are sins few others ever see and yet they are there and of no less import than any other. Yet it is easy to dismiss them or at least minimize them because they do not fall into the category of "big sins" (as though there was such a thing).
I want to know my transgressions as David knew his and to hate them more that I may love Christ more. I want to be more sensitive and active concerning those sins you don't see and probably wouldn't suspect that hinder my prayers and plague my heart. They are so easy to miss or dismiss that I must pray for the Holy Spirit to make my conscience raw and sensitive to these sins.
How can I know His salvation and its worth if my sins are not always before me?
Friday, January 3, 2014
For I Know . . . . 010314
For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me.
Psalm 51:3
Do we - do we really know our transgressions? Are we as aware of, as sensitive to sin as we should be? I know I am not and that is a cause for great distress.
I catch myself in sin and am shocked that I never saw it coming.
Perhaps you would say, if I gave examples, that I am being too scrupulous. But is that even possible? Are there some sins that deserve more attention than others? Are there OK and not OK sins? Do I consider the opportunity for sin in every choice and decision I make? Can I be too scrupulous concerning my sin?
Why can't I cry with Paul: Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Romans 7:24
I hear much talk about pornography, drugs, adultery and fornication (among others) but I do not hear much talk of envy, covetousness, fear of man, etc. Are we making distinctions between the seriousness of sin?
Take, for example, one I struggle with constantly: the desire to have material comfort and security over and above having a strong and effective witness. My prayers are constantly assaulted with interruptive and distracting thoughts concerning my "needs" which inhibits (to say the least) real heart-felt prayer for His glory and the salvation of those around me.
Or, consider the struggle in praying when one is envious of those who do not have to deal with my trials and afflictions. It is hard to pray when one's heart is envious and covetous. These are sins few others ever see and yet they are there and of no less import than any other. Yet it is easy to dismiss them or at least minimize them because they do not fall into the category of "big sins" (as though there was such a thing).
I want to know my transgressions as David knew his and to hate them more that I may love Christ more. I want to be more sensitive and active concerning those sins you don't see and probably wouldn't suspect that hinder my prayers and plague my heart. They are so easy to miss or dismiss that I must pray for the Holy Spirit to make my conscience raw and sensitive to these sins.
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