So many cries in the night
That you try to ignoreWhy didn't I do this?
Why didn't I do that?
So many unanswered prayers
So many unopened doors
Why didn't I take it?
Why didn't I make it come true?
The loneliest words you'll ever know:
If only - if only it was so
The emptiest words that there'll ever be:
It could have been me
It could have been me
The loneliest words you'll ever- know:
If only - if only it was so
The emptiest words that there'll ever be:
It could have been me
It could have been me
You'll have to pay for it later:
If you don't get it when it's going for free!
Believe me! believe me, believe me!
Play them over and over in your head
They resonate with how you feel
Now imagine
They clash with what you have always believed
Imagine knowing God is and that He is good and faithful and kind and having that knowledge crush your heart.
It's terribly, terribly confusing - and yet - when one is afflicted with melacholy - that's the way of things.
"You know God is true
But not for you"
Is the way one person puts it.
Oh don't get me wrong - there's a lot of self-pitying whinniness in melacholy - it's part of the package.
If you suffer the ffliction you've got to learn to live with the lies it tells - and if you love someone with the affliction you've got to accept how they feel.
There are few thing that have happened in my life that amazed me than when one of the sheep I care for shared their deep despair and hopelessness and all I could say was, "Welcome to melacholy - it sucks but there it is - the feelings you are having ------ are normal for us."
And that sheep smiled - crookedly and with tear in their eyes but they smiled. A man with a broken leg will limp. A blind man will not see. A mute man will not talk and we find none of these thing odd or unusual.
Well a melcholy man or woman live desparingly and painfully - it is their new normal. It's, well, OK. It stinks but it is normal.
And IT IS NOT A "FAITH" ISSUE. People who offer the discusting advice of "pray more," "trust Jesus more," "have more faith," ought, in my opinion be taken out and spanked - and spanked hard.
The most faithful, enduring, devoted, commited and honorable believers I know are melacholic. God is not what gets them through the day - He is what keeps them from checking out early.
They cry with unseen tear for His love and provision. They praise Him with silent lips when they see a blessing they feel they'll never experience. Their heart race when they see hope in the eyes of another.
They know God better than most becasue of His seeming absense from their lives. The silently scream out for His providence and healing knowing - knowing that must and can only come from Him.
Lots of believers claim they would die for Jesus - others claim they would live for Him - How about simply continuing to be faithful when there is NO sense and little evidence - tht you can sense.
Yeah - a lot n here about sensing - but on the other hand we melacholics KNOW He is and that He is the one who saves and sustains. For us it is a comfort to know that just the moment He does not need us here anymore - we will be with Him. But until then - if He wakes me up, enables me to get out -then I have a mission from Him - something to do for Him - becasue if I didn't - if I don't - then I don't wanna wake up.
For the Melacholic, the Master's will is all the and the only reason - it's all we have - that knowing without seeing or feeling --- knowing - just somehow knowing - despite all the voices in our heads, knowing. And that my friend is enough.
Any questions ---
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