Moment by Moment 061216

Minutely by minute.

In depression, tomorrow makes a hell of today.  It's not the moment we're in that creates all the anxiety and pain but the moment that has not yet come.  Our affliction convinces us that the other shoe is dropping and will hit with devastating consequences.  So along with the with the afflicton of the depression itself we suffer that anticipatory anxiety that reeks havoc on our day.

This is especially hard for those of us who are believers.  We do indeed trust God but that trust is sullied by the afflictive anxiety.  What we KNOW battles against what we are able to feel.  There is no sense of confidence or hope or joy.  Though we know we have every good reason to experience those things, they are just not there for us.  That makes even the most outstanding blessing less than it ought to be.

God is meeting our needs and we know from the evidence  our past that He is a need meeting God and yet we can't bridge the distance from our heads to our hearts.  It is just too wide a gulf.  We can not get it done at least not oN our own.

The Holy Spirit, our designated comforter, is the only means and recourse we have to this menacing melancholy.  He is our only hope for experiencing the hope and the joy we are promised.  But we have got to call upon Him for it.  It has not been my experience that He will just infuse me with hope and joy out of the blue (although He can and might).  I have found that it takes disciplined prayer and a laser like focus on my need and His ability and willingness to provide.  It's not that I have to perform in a certain way for Him to act but that I have to work hard to silence the melancholy and anxious thoughts so that I am receptive to His provision.  Otherwise it's just a chaotic battle between my broken heart and mind and the truth.

This is why such disciplined prayer needs to be a regular part of our daily practice.  We need those moments of the Holy Spirit's ministry every day.  They are precious hard won moments.  YES we can pray that God will deliver us from this affliction and He well may do so, but, He may not.  It may be for our benefit or the benefit of others that we live and struggle with this affliction.  We all love to read about Job but none of us want to be him.

In this fallen world and in God's plan, this melancholy and anxious affliction is just one way through which He demonstrates His power, lovingkindness and provision.  We need to be responsible IN our affliction and work hard to make use of all the resources He provides so that His name will be glorified.  It is not easy nor is it pleasant, but as we say, "It is what it is."  If Paul can accept and be content with his thorn in the flesh, we can learn to emmulate him in our affliction.

Be oh so wary of those who can not accept and respect your affliction.  They may be well meaning but they are more often cruel in their attempts to "help" us.  Depression and anxiety say a lot about this fallen world and its effects on people, even His people.  A disciplined and focused prrayerful practice aimed at our affliction is the only answer that I have found that relieves the oppresson and dispells the shadows.

It's a lifetime battle but not one that has to defeat us.  We are more than conquerors, one battle at a time.

No more of this!

"No more of this!"  Jesus

Recorded in all four Gospels, there is just something about this incident that fascinates me.  What I am writing is not history but rather it is about a moment in history that, I believe, is more important than we think.  But for the providence of God, everything could have gone south in these moments..

Really read these passages:

Matthew 26:47-54 ESV
While he was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a great crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. [48] Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, "The one I will kiss is the man; seize him." [49] And he came up to Jesus at once and said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" And he kissed him. [50] Jesus said to him, "Friend, do what you came to do." Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him. [51] And behold, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear. [52] Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. [53] Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? [54] But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?"

Mark 14:43-45, 47-50 ESV
And immediately, while he was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the scribes and the elders. [44] Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, "The one I will kiss is the man. Seize him and lead him away under guard." [45] And when he came, he went up to him at once and said, "Rabbi!" And he kissed him. [47] But one of those who stood by drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear. [48] And Jesus said to them, "Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me? [49] Day after day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not seize me. But let the Scriptures be fulfilled." [50] And they all left him and fled.

Luke 22:47-53 ESV
While he was still speaking, there came a crowd, and the man called Judas, one of the twelve, was leading them. He drew near to Jesus to kiss him, [48] but Jesus said to him, "Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" [49] And when those who were around him saw what would follow, they said, "Lord, shall we strike with the sword?" [50] And one of them struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his right ear. [51] But Jesus said, "No more of this!" And he touched his ear and healed him. [52] Then Jesus said to the chief priests and officers of the temple and elders, who had come out against him, "Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs? [53] When I was with you day after day in the temple, you did not lay hands on me. But this is your hour, and the power of darkness."

John 18:3-11 ESV
So Judas, having procured a band of soldiers and some officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees, went there with lanterns and torches and weapons. [4] Then Jesus, knowing all that would happen to him, came forward and said to them, "Whom do you seek?" [5] They answered him, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus said to them, "I am he." Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them. [6] When Jesus said to them, "I am he," they drew back and fell to the ground. [7] So he asked them again, "Whom do you seek?" And they said, "Jesus of Nazareth." [8] Jesus answered, "I told you that I am he. So, if you seek me, let these men go." [9] This was to fulfill the word that he had spoken: "Of those whom you gave me I have lost not one." [10] Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant and cut off his right ear. (The servant's name was Malchus.) [11] So Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword into its sheath; shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?"
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Do you see "this"?  Is "this" clearer to you now?  Do you think you could see "IT" in your day to day life - the commonality of your Christianity.  Or do you just ignore "this" and and float through your day doing what you think appropriate?

Oh - what is "this?"  "This," is relying upon your understanding and ability to address life in all it's wonder and woundings.

"This," is, though having many opportunities to grow in your knowledge and understanding, being content to remain in ignorance and to operate by what you "feel" or "think" and not upon the truth which is available for the taking.

"This" is that bad habit we have ot thinking God needs our help with anything.
"This" is engaging "our" solution and not waiting upon the Lord to lead.
"This" is fighting a spiritual battle with fleshly weapons.
"This" is trying to "make up for" one error with a worse one (or one at all).
"This" is wacking off an ear trying to instigate a confrontation so, "things can come to a head."  (Attacking the "faith" those who oppose our faith.)

"This" is pride, hubris, vanity, ignorance, impetuosity, impulsivelness, arrogance, shallowness . . . .

"This," is sin.

We are learning . . . .

Old thoughts and reflections worth remembering!

Written during our wilderness time in Texas

Just thinking about being out here in Texas and not knowing why.  Oh, we thought we had a reason but the sinfullness and duplicity of man put a quick end to that.  So we're out here, away from family and friends, with no idea what God has planned.  But I read too much to be without faith that He is in charge and will indeed work this thing out for our good and His glory.

But I would warn you, when you sense God's leading, take a nap.  Give it a break.  Don't charge forward.  We really ought to have prayed more, gotten more council and really investigated what we were getting into.  Had we done that we might well have chosen to live in our car in Greensboro rather than make the move.

But there is some up sides to this situation.  We have far less, though still too much, junk than we did.  We got to experience the kindness, care and support of family and friends as we prepared to move.  We really know we are loved.  We experience God's providence moment by moment.  We are learning about the sinfulness of our hearts and what He wants us to work on.  We get to miss people which is hard but wonderful.  We get to remember all the blessings of the past and look toward those of the future.  We get to find out new things about each other and our marriage.  We get to trust Him better each day.  We get to be convicted and to repent.  We get to discover new and awesome things about living for Him.

Being here is kind of a left-handed blessing.  The bitter with the sweet.  The good and the bad without the ugly.  Daily we confront small crisis and get to see Him resolve them.  Moment by moment we get to experience His comfort in our anxiety.  Night by night we get to sleep (that's day by day since I work nights.).  We get to enjoy learning to pray more deeply and more wisely.  We get to wait and rest.

Oh, I could complain, and do, but I feel foolish when I look at the sum total of our lives here.

All we thought would be a blessing once we got here went south on us.  It has been and is painful so we're learning to deal with anger and bitterness.  We're also learning to deal with pride, learning to see it from new and different directions.  We are learning to not murmur.  We are learning to trust Him way more than we trust others.  We are learning not to assume, suppose and accept on face value.  We are learning to not settle for anything but His best.  We are learning to pray openly and honestly laying our wants at His feet and holding out for them unless we are shown they are off base.  We are learning that we can not do it on our own.  We are learning that sometimes you just have to push forward.

Oh, I could complain, and do but then I just feel silly and foolish.

We are learning that the best cure for anxiety and worry is serving others.  We are learning that depression does not always win and that you can do more than you think even when the depression is at its worse.  We are learning that panic attacks always fail.  We are learning that we are weak and frail by design. We are learning a lot!

We are learning that you can feel sorry for yourself when appropriate but that it passes as you lean on Him.  We are learning that sadness is not a bad thing as long as it is not over much.  We are learning  that tears are often very appropriate.  We are learning that the disciplines of the faith are crucial.  We are learning that living the life takes practice, consistent practice.  We are learning that orthopraxy is only good with orthodoxy (lol).

We are learning that a little crazy is a good thing.  We are learning to be discriminating in our activities and pleasures.  We are learning that we can be too inundated by the world (this election stuff).  We're learning that what goes in the ear can really mess with the head...not to mention what goes in the eyes.  We are learning that Ruko is a blessing.  We are learning to love radio.

Philippians 4:8 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Thoughts on Self-examination

Put yourselves to the test and judge yourselves, to find out whether you are living in faith. Surely you know that Christ Jesus is in you?—unless you have completely failed.

(2Co 13:5)

We are (hopefully) aware of our sins.  But I have discovered that I tend to focus on a few sins that are consistently troubling me and missing others.  That's the beauty and facility of self-examination.  It is a dedicated, focused, intentional thing and not some cursory activity.

I have not trouble seeing my pride and idolatry or even lust for that matter - they are glaringly obvious.  But I miss or avoid many others.

An example is found in Matthew 12:36-37:

"You can be sure that on the Judgment Day you will have to give account of every useless word you have ever spoken. Your words will be used to judge you—to declare you either innocent or guilty."

(Mat 12:36-37) GNB

"But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

(Mat 12:36-37) NASB

The word translated "useless" or "careless it the Greek word ̓argos meaning free from labor, at leisure

or  lazy, shunning the labor which one ought to perform.

The implied imperative is that we should actually "labor" before we speak.  I tend to yell at clumsy drivers when I am in the car.  My wife cringes when I do this.  It's careless/useless, sinful.  I give no thought to what's in my mind and heart I just let fly.  This is not good.

What about OMG (Oh my God).  There's a show on TV called Clean House where a team goes into a badly cluttered home and straightens it out.  Then they "reveal" what they have done to the owners who have been away at a hotel.  Almost to a person when the finished work is revealed they say OMG, never thinking about what they're saying.

We all have little saying we use to express pleasure or disdain and these need to be examined for, well, holiness, usefulness, carefulness.

But careless speech is just one of the "sins" we rarely think about.  Our thought life is an area where we are remiss - we fail to:

We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,  (2Co 10:5)

I know that this used of this verse is a stretch but I think the principle is sound in the instance.  We need to think about our thinking.

And what about our feelings.  they can get pretty nasty as well but we have thm and we rarely take the time to examine them or their source - Why do I feel _____?

Self examination is a critical component of our /Christina walk and we need to take it seriously.  I am read the journals of David Brainerd an missionary in the 1800 and am convicted by his sensitivity to his sinfulness.  Of course he was of a melancholy disposition and that played a part but he really "discovered" his vileness in the light of Christ.  If it's OK to envy good things, I envy him.

We need to take the time and really examine our Walk.

What about our use of what God has given us?  Do we use it for our pleasure and gratification (or measuring up to others) or do we use it to bless the Church and the needy.  Is your 10% the best you can do - maybe for you it is but for most of us we could do a lot better.

In my years as a Leadership consultant the most difficult thing I had to teach people was how to say "No," when "NO," was the right answer.  How about saying no to ourselves.  We see it  we want is was expend recourses to get it.  We don't say "No," to ourselves - hence we sin when we squander God's provision.

Jesus was very clear;  "Do not store up riches for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and robbers break in and steal. Instead, store up riches for yourselves in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and robbers cannot break in and steal. For your heart will always be where your riches are.  (Mat 6:19-21)

Self-examination has to be broader and wider and deeper than we usually do it.  It takes time and effort but how can one repent of a sin that one is only vaguely aware of it=f at all

But then. some of us don't want to examine ourselves.  To do so would lead to conclusions we are not comfortable with.  

Better than "Yes!"

 1 John 5:14-15 ESV

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. [15] And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

See, that's the kicker, discerning if my request is according to His will.

A lot of things seem "good" and "fair" and "just" and they well may be but that does not mean, at least in my experience, that they are according to His will.  They may be outside His will or even contrary to His will.  It depends on the circumstances and, well, His will.

Ephesians 5:10 ESV
and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-15, 17-18 ESV
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. [15] See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. [17] pray without ceasing, [18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

We always pray, "Your will be done." But all too often, for me at least, it's my way of confessing that I am absolutely clueless as to whether or not my request is in His will.

Then there is the kicker:

James 4:3 ESV
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

There's the.  I assume that many of my personal prayers are not answered in the way I hope because somewhere underneath all the solumn prayer words there lurks some selfish motive that thwarts, not His answer, but my asking.  I ask wrongly.

That's a tough nut to crack!  I can well understand why the Puritains were so determined concerning the need for self-examination.   We really do have to accept that our hearts are deceitful and that we are the ones we deceive most  often.  We can easily fool ourselves into thinking that we are being selfless and submissive in our prayer and that they are according to His will.

Right now I have a very specific prayer request before Him.  I've kept it simple, short and sweet.  I don't believe is it greedy or self-serving but rather fair, good and reasonable.  BUT there is a lurking doubt in the back of my mind because I will benefit from a "Yes  It is a prayer about me, for me.  It is a prayer and also a test.  I have asked for X which is a fair request and consider a "Yes" as an answer to another request/query.  In short I have figured if He grants X then Y is in His will.  Make sense?

But then that old....ask wrongly and don't test God thing comes up in my mind and I doubt not His goodness but the rightness of my prayer.

So I come to:

Philippians 4:5-7 ESV
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; [6] do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. [7] And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This does not promise a "Yes," to my prayer.  What it does promise is His peace in His answer which will in turn guard my heart and my mind.  And isn't that better than a "Yes"?

On Fear

Prayer is the best outlet to fear: where is the Christian that cannot set his seal to this direction?   Flavel, John (2010-08-03). Keeping the Heart (Kindle Locations 669-670).   Kindle Edition.   

Psa 118:5  Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free.  ESV

In times of danger  no matter its magnitude  fear is natural.  Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the acting upon it.  What greater thing could we do than to go to our Father with all our fears.

Isn't Christ, our intercessor and Great High Priest, seated with the Father speaking of us and for us?  Does not Christ appreciate and understand our weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

If, as we see in the quote above, Satan knows and exploits our fears, does not our Father know more and better?  In all things fearful is it not enough that nothing can separate us from the love of God?  Surely upon that assurance we can stand.

But we are weak as babes in our walk with Christ  as we should be.      Though we lived in the wiles of the Devil and the fantasies of the flesh, we do not know living in the security and power of our Lord.  So we tremble and quake as Satan and our budding/immature faith both work to our distress.

Trusting God is not something that just comes.  It is gained by experience, informed by His Word and enhanced by His Spirit.  I have trusted God in many situations and yet every new situation raises the hair on the back of my neck.

I wonder, God was faithful there and then but this is here and now.  Even though I know that when it was then and there for me, He was already readying here and now for me.  But I still fear.

 
I've noticed something, though, about that fear.  It is characterized by the question, What am I (or we) going to do”?  Perhaps that's where we get tripped up.  We face a circumstance and supposing we must or can do something, we start with ourselves.  Seeing no help for or in ourselves, we fear.  Because we are already afraid we think we don't have faith.  Because we think we don't have faith we doubt God will help us.

Perhaps were starting at the wrong place.  Perhaps we need to take the circumstance (and our fear) to Him immediately and ask Him what we need to do (if anything).  Perhaps we need to slow down, examine the circumstance and take our thoughts and concerns to Him and have a talk. 

 
I wonder if at times I irritate Him (LOL).  I try to take circumstances to Him and leave them with Him but it doesn't work very well.  I've found that I need to stay before Him and take the time to pour out my ideas and thoughts concerning the circumstance.  If I don't, I find myself fretting and distracted.  So I try to go to Him and just babble out my ideas, my tangential concerns, my solutions, my fears.  It seems that this process has a quieting effect on my soul.

But just recently, I've discovered that I rise from prayer too swiftly.  I'll pray and then get into bed and I'll just go on trying to fix the problem in my head.  I think that, at those times, I need to get back on my knees and continue the conversation  obviously, I wasn't done (or maybe He wasn't). 

 
Ok  for those of you who are thinking, Do I have to be on my knees,  Ill just tell you that I do.  As I've intentionally worked on my prayer life, I've discovered that it just feels more like prayer when I'm kneeling.  Do I have to?  I don't think I have to for Him  but I do for me.  That's just me  and we all know I'm just not right. 

 
Prayer is worship  but it is conversational worship.  I speak, He listens.  How He responds is unclear to me  I haven't heard voices yet.  But I trust Him to respond because He always has.  Either through the Word, a change of circumstance, another believer, a random sermon I hear, a random book I read, or even a random thought, He answers.  Oh, I know none of those things are really random.  They are intentional and purposeful  so maybe utterly unexpected is a better term.  But the point is, He answers.

Concerning the verse I used above.  Notice that the writer says that God set him free.  The term distress has the sense of tightness, like when your chest gets tight when you are anxious.  Now the writer doesnt say what his freedom looked like.  Was the circumstance changed or was his anxiety relieved?  But would we complain of either?  I hope not.

Dont let yourself think that you should only do this for the big stuff.  Make it a habit to do it with everything.  Pour, it all out to God.  What seems trivial today may loom large tomorrow, so you may as well get a head start on it.