Written during our wilderness time in Texas
Just thinking about being out here in Texas and not knowing why. Oh, we thought we had a reason but the sinfullness and duplicity of man put a quick end to that. So we're out here, away from family and friends, with no idea what God has planned. But I read too much to be without faith that He is in charge and will indeed work this thing out for our good and His glory.
But I would warn you, when you sense God's leading, take a nap. Give it a break. Don't charge forward. We really ought to have prayed more, gotten more council and really investigated what we were getting into. Had we done that we might well have chosen to live in our car in Greensboro rather than make the move.
But there is some up sides to this situation. We have far less, though still too much, junk than we did. We got to experience the kindness, care and support of family and friends as we prepared to move. We really know we are loved. We experience God's providence moment by moment. We are learning about the sinfulness of our hearts and what He wants us to work on. We get to miss people which is hard but wonderful. We get to remember all the blessings of the past and look toward those of the future. We get to find out new things about each other and our marriage. We get to trust Him better each day. We get to be convicted and to repent. We get to discover new and awesome things about living for Him.
Being here is kind of a left-handed blessing. The bitter with the sweet. The good and the bad without the ugly. Daily we confront small crisis and get to see Him resolve them. Moment by moment we get to experience His comfort in our anxiety. Night by night we get to sleep (that's day by day since I work nights.). We get to enjoy learning to pray more deeply and more wisely. We get to wait and rest.
Oh, I could complain, and do, but I feel foolish when I look at the sum total of our lives here.
All we thought would be a blessing once we got here went south on us. It has been and is painful so we're learning to deal with anger and bitterness. We're also learning to deal with pride, learning to see it from new and different directions. We are learning to not murmur. We are learning to trust Him way more than we trust others. We are learning not to assume, suppose and accept on face value. We are learning to not settle for anything but His best. We are learning to pray openly and honestly laying our wants at His feet and holding out for them unless we are shown they are off base. We are learning that we can not do it on our own. We are learning that sometimes you just have to push forward.
Oh, I could complain, and do but then I just feel silly and foolish.
We are learning that the best cure for anxiety and worry is serving others. We are learning that depression does not always win and that you can do more than you think even when the depression is at its worse. We are learning that panic attacks always fail. We are learning that we are weak and frail by design. We are learning a lot!
We are learning that you can feel sorry for yourself when appropriate but that it passes as you lean on Him. We are learning that sadness is not a bad thing as long as it is not over much. We are learning that tears are often very appropriate. We are learning that the disciplines of the faith are crucial. We are learning that living the life takes practice, consistent practice. We are learning that orthopraxy is only good with orthodoxy (lol).
We are learning that a little crazy is a good thing. We are learning to be discriminating in our activities and pleasures. We are learning that we can be too inundated by the world (this election stuff). We're learning that what goes in the ear can really mess with the head...not to mention what goes in the eyes. We are learning that Ruko is a blessing. We are learning to love radio.
Philippians 4:8 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
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