Tough questions - deep thoughts. 100513

John Owen wrote in his work, On Being spirituall Minded;

Can the majority of Christians honestly say that they think of such things {{hardship, calamity and disaster}} in such a way that leads them trust themswlves nd ll they love and have to God?  Can they say they so meditate on God's providential calls and warnings as to make themselves ready to part with anything and everything at God's time and pleasure"  How can such people pretend to be spiritually minded when all their thoughts resisit the idea of trusting everything to his will and pleasure?

I want to answer "Yes," to the first two questions but I am deeply confronted by a hesitation, a cold chill that goes to the bone.  I am hindered by pride and fear.  Perhaps the greatest fear is of man and what man might say of me if God were to call for it all.

It is common to see those who, even by God's providence, lose it all as failures, objects of scorn and pity.  It is common to withdraw from those in such distress as we look for their failures that have brought about their circumstances.  It is easier to leave them alone than to draw near.   It is easier to look for some blame to lay at their feet than to contemplate as an act of God's providence, a part of His plan.

I think many of us would rather suffer some disease and hence be empoverished than to have the hand of God sweep everythiing away.  Then we would have a reason, a cause for it and still be able to hold up our heads and look people in the eye.

To trust everrything to His will and pleasure is what He means by calling ut to be alive to Him and dead to ourselves and the world.  To trust everything to Him - or at the very least to struggle to do so is the fundamental condition in which we are called to live.  It is dieing to self - and to the good graces and acceptance of other people.

When we pray, "Thy will be done." do we realize what we are asking, what we are saying, what He might do?  I don't think we do.  I know that I have grown to be chilled when I pray that.

But it is my rebellious and tainted heart that is chilled.  It is the remnant of sin - that principle of evil yet dwelling in me that makes me struggle to simply surrender.  So I find myself in a fight with God and a struggle to maintain my sanity.  The assurances that "Everything will be OK," does little moer than drive my thoughts to death and the assurances I have of eternal lie with Him.  This is not a bad thing but it should not be the first thing.

When God acts in our lives whether we sense it to be good or bad, sour or sweet, it is for His glory and honor.  Are we willing to see Him glorified in our lives in a painful and uncomfortable manner?  Are we willing to suffer and have man-imposed shame torment our heads and hearts?

I want to and I don't want to.  I say "Yes!  BUT....."

And I ask Him to forgive me.