Anxious? To be or not!

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 

(Mat 6:27) KJV

How "powerful" am I really?  Sometimes i find myself thinking I'm pretty powerful.  That is a mistake!  Not that i have no talents, skills of abilities but I forget who they come from and who makes them effective.  

It's hard to keep in mind, when we are doing good stuff, that it is all totally dependent upon Him - totally - utterly - of Him.

I was once advised to; "Pray as though it all depended upon God and to work as though it all depended upon me."  Not good advise!  I now "Pray because it all depends upon God and I work (or try to) in utter dependence upon Him."

I can't help but think of Saul (later to be known as Paul).  He was "the man" (or at least one of them) in the Jewish religious institutions.  He knew god, the Law, the traditions and by his own statement he was "the man."  All that talent and training and effort--etc. and he still went the wrong way.

I think, that among other issues, Saul depended upon Saul a lot.  I think it was something he dealt with through out his life and ministry.  This is common to most of us and yet we need to pray for a sensitivity to it or accept the thorn that reminds us of it.

As i consider this passage from Matthew and the issue of anxiety I am mindful of what James wrote:

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.   (Jas 4:1-3)

Now if our lusts can cause such distress among us surely they will cause the same within us.  I can't help but consider that this is a great source of anxiety within the individual believers life.  

What if, in affliction I struggle with praying for God will to be done and/or my relief/comfort/rescue/etc.   I struggle with the fact that God is glorified in my weakness - even in my affliction and yet I want it to be over.  This conflict just adds to the anxiety i experience.

It's the, "not my will but thine," conundrum.  I get anxious concerning His will and my will being - well - different.  It's not easy!  Certainly I do not face the same cup Christ faced but our "cups" are always BIG to us.  

But, there is one thing I find comfort in even in the cunnundrum!

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 
(Luk 22:42-43)

Two things here.  First, Jesus did not hesitate to take His concern to His Father.  He quite clearly asks for this "cup" to be removed.  So I take that to mean I may do the same.  It also means I need to be willing to pray the whole prayer with one addition --- that we may have missed.

I will also pray for God's strengthening whether by the appearance of an angel, the presence of an angel, direct from God or through the Word and the Spirit (not to leave out the Body).  

Father,
You know my anxiety and fretfulness in the current circumstances.  You know I want You to make them go away.  You know my weakness - my fleshiness - my self-centeredness.  You know much more of my struggle than even I do.

I want to run from the circumstance but I fear that I would be running from You as well.  That I do not want to do.  I have been there and done that and I know it is not good.

I would ask for Your strengthening and Your comfort.  I would also ask You to show me You in all this.  The enemies assail my heart and torment my head and I need to hear You more clearly.

I am sadly afraid - but I take comfort in my Savior's prayer and His surrender to You will for us.  I want very much to do the same but my feet feel frozen and I grow anxious - very anxious.  I want to ask You to "help my unbelief," for I can't pretend there is no unblief in my mind and heart.  I believe - help my unbelief!!!