Brothers,
In tough times many marriages suffer. Of course, money issues are one of the biggest causes of distress. All I can say is that this is probably due to the love of "mammon," that we all have to fight. If we love mammon more than God then it's a no brainer that we will love mammon more than our wives.
I know that in affliction and trials I can become less patient, less understanding - less loving because I have such a great sense of failure and Patti is the first in line to see it - at least in my mind. Whether I have indeed failed or not I am most ashamed in her presence and most resistant to her comfort and encouragement. Pride is a real love killer.
But I work to keep in mind the following and to fight my pride and accept the gracious gift of Patti as that helper fit for me.
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:19)
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. (Gen 2:18-20)
So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." (Gen 2:21-23)
I don't know that I have any real sage advice or formula for being the husband I should be - especially in tough times. I find myself praying more about my husbanding. I find myself reminding myself that she is as much a part of me as is possible. That we are "one" is an awesome mystery but that makes it no less true. Perhaps it is that "one-ness" that e need to work on.
Patti is a unique individual as am I and yet God has made us one. Each part can fit together. Each talent encourages and strengthens another. Every strength is intended to uphold the weaknesses of the other. Each is intended to comfort and enhance the other. We are one.
Being one is not easy. We have been taught to protect our "space." But that does not lead to one-ness rather it destroys it.
Perhaps it's that commitment to be "ourselves" that is the real hindrance. "I got to be me," just doesn't seem to fit into God's pattern. His pattern is more of, "We've gotta be we!"
This is truly a counter-cultural concept.
Brothers - give it up! Give up that macho-hunter/killer-king of the hill idea we have been infected with. Ask God to humble your heart and spirit and renew your mind. Your "wife" is as much a part of you as your lungs or heart or hands.
Let go of your pride. Feel your fear and if needed, your shame. Ask God to drive you to your knees concerning your marriage. Ask that the Spirit and the Word will convict you mightily and bring you to seek Him as a husband - as part of the marriage one-ness.
God is indeed our hope and our strength - but if I might wax poetic - I think our wives are His physical reminder of that. Giving us such an awesome duty as to love our wives as Christ loves the church is, I think, intended to drive us to our knees crying our to Him about our utter inability to obey without His power and strength and instruction.
There was one "not good" thing in all of the creation and that was man's alone-ness. Once God addressed and met that the creation was, "very good." Please please please brothers, pray and think and study concerning this.
If you are going through times like we are - and I KNOW many of you are - NOW is the best time to cry out to God for and about your marriage. In this time of anxiety and vulnerability we need to restore and/or strengthen that mysterious one-ness. It is God's plan and God's provision for us brothers. You would be better off cutting off an appendage than you will be if you allow a lack of one-ness to continue or allow that one-ness to fade and grow weak. You would be better off deaf, blind, etc.... than to not take full advantage of the gift of a, "helper fit," for you.
No - I don't care if your wife is "on board" or not. You and I are commanded to love them as Christ loves the church - even if they only love us as the contemporary church loves Christ (poorly). This isn't about her - it is about you and Him - she is simply the beneficiary of His blessing through you (as He desires you to be through her). This is NOT some tit-for-tat arrangement. We are to LOVE our wives period.
Repent!
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:19)
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
(Eph 5:25)
Father, forgive me or allowing the culture (world), the flesh (me) and the devil to pervert my view of marriage. Forgive me for assuming I knew what the one-ness You have created was. Forgive my pride and arrogance in assuming I knew what i was doing as a husband. Forgive my selfishness and self-centeredness.
Father - I can not be the husband You call me to be without Your help. I ask that Your Spirit work mightily in me to change my heart and mind concerning my husbanding. Father, destroy all the bitterness by showing me it's nastiness and toxicity. Burn it, if need be, from my heart and mind.
Father - to love my wife as You command I will need a mighty work of Your grace for i have wandered far from it in this regard and have a long way to walk back to where You would have me be. Restore me to Your intent for me as a husband - and enable me - or make me - honor and adore and love the "helper" You have given me. Teach me to love her and be to her a blessing from You.
Amen -----
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